That's not slowing down

Okay, so I did the exact opposite.

Why am I so fucking impulsive?! 

I did not slow down with Logan. I sped everything up. The physical, the emotional, damn. I don't regret it, but it's not doing me any favors.

Why do I lead with my heart so much? (And partly my libido too...) He's worried about getting his heart broken. Meanwhile, I'm presenting mine on a fucking platter. Along with my body.

I'm annoyed. Just annoyed.

You know what, go talk to all the girls you want. Find what you want. If it's not me, then don't date me. If our communication doesn't match, don't bother. 

I want to assimilate you into my life. I want you to join me at the park with Henry. I can see you lying on the blanket with me. I'm even considering being pregnant again...

I feel like a lot of my hard 'no's weren't even very hard to begin with. But if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything.

Life is too short. I guess I'm more agreeable.

Would I want more kids? Yes. Being pregnant terrifies me. Could I process that? I guess Logan would need to know that I would have to process that trauma, and I'm not a sure thing about my body being pregnant again. I'm a gamble in that regard.

Ok, try again tomorrow. Slow it down. No drinking. Find out about compatibility. That's the mission. Stop thinking with your libido. I swear to God if I come back to the next journal entry, and you failed your mission...