Love in Action

Okay, I need some ground rules for dating. First, I need consistent daily communication. It doesn't need to be constant. At least daily. I like a couple of daytime texts and nightly calls. Working up to this. Second, I need at least one date a week to start. Third, I only move off the app if we are exclusive. Then we both move off together. Fourth, overnights only happen if we are exclusive and working towards a relationship. I don't match energy. I'm my true self, and I expect the same from you. If we're not compatible, it will show. It's not about overextending myself; it's showing up as my authentic self because that's what love and a relationship is (at least my ideal one), and that's what I want.

Logan decided that he needs more time. He's not ready for a relationship. He's not ready for a relationship... with me. That line hurt. I reminded him so much of his ex. I think I reminded him of the conflict he experienced with his ex that he wasn't ready for. He's not sure how to manage conflict. How to show up when someone is hurt. How to respond when someone expresses their feelings. When it's going well, it's easy. It flows. But when conflict appears, so does the same behaviors. I express that I'm upset. He feels like he can't be himself. Then he runs. He can't handle it. It reminds him that something is going to end. So he'll end it first so he's not hurt. Because divorce is too fresh. He knows how far lost he was. He feels those same feelings with me (transference) because he has not resolved his old wounds. And here I am, as collateral. This ending doesn't hurt as much as Ryan. Partially because I think I knew that Logan wasn'...

We're exclusive. Have been since Easter Sunday. Then a whole day and afternoon on my birthday. Omg the birthday sex... If this lives in posterity, I'm sorry (not sorry), everyone. But multiple orgasms. Yes, yes, yes, yes. <3 "You're not falling alone." Now that I got that out of my system. I feel a little more clear-headed. I'm seeking compatibility now. Connection and communication. What do I need? Definitely daily communication. How much? Uncertain. I love the nightly phone call. I want to text throughout the day to share things. Perhaps I write these thoughts down to share at the end of the night. Gives us something to talk about and allows for his independence. And mine. Then I move along with my day and share during a dedicated time where we can have our complete undivided attention on each other. Do I require his immediate response? No.  What are your communication needs? Am I meeting those needs? "It's just semantics". It's not. I...