I failed

Look, he's so fucking sexy. I cannot help myself. 

Plus, his confessions. 

"If I give you my heart, will you break it?"

"Oh. I'm not here to break your heart. I'm here to protect it."

"Then I choose you. I'm all in."

"I'm so infatuated with you."

"We're beyond casual. It's special."

My heart seriously freaked out.

He says all the right things. He makes me tea. Checks in with me.

Friday was Jim Gaffigan. Then I called up Logan and met him at the Silver Stamp, dressed very classy. We walked over to Stray Pirates. Until they kicked us out. Made out my his van. He fed me cashews. Offered water. More making out, way so intense in my car.

Saturday was Honey Salt, then back to his place for wine and time-traveling hammock. Magic hands. Talked, cuddled, fell asleep.

Sunday was sushi, then back to his place for a sleepover. I kept my clothes on, but that did not stop him from everything. I mean everything. Basically, sex with clothes on. Kissed me all over. Grinding. Eat out on top. Rubbing legs. Sucking my feet. Oh. My. God. I just know the sex will be amazing.

And he's a good guy. He listens to understand. He always try to support. He wants me to open and lean on him.

Logan is considerate, thoughtful, attentive, witty, smart, logical, handsome, sexy, and charming. He believes in science. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What I Need

Okay, I need some ground rules for dating. First, I need consistent daily communication. It doesn't need to be constant. At least daily. I like a couple of daytime texts and nightly calls. Working up to this. Second, I need at least one date a week to start. Third, I only move off the app if we are exclusive. Then we both move off together. Fourth, overnights only happen if we are exclusive and working towards a relationship. I don't match energy. I'm my true self, and I expect the same from you. If we're not compatible, it will show. It's not about overextending myself; it's showing up as my authentic self because that's what love and a relationship is (at least my ideal one), and that's what I want.
Read more

That's not slowing down

Okay, so I did the exact opposite. Why am I so fucking impulsive?!  I did not slow down with Logan. I sped everything up. The physical, the emotional, damn. I don't regret it, but it's not doing me any favors. Why do I lead with my heart so much? (And partly my libido too...) He's worried about getting his heart broken. Meanwhile, I'm presenting mine on a fucking platter. Along with my body. I'm annoyed. Just annoyed. You know what, go talk to all the girls you want. Find what you want. If it's not me, then don't date me. If our communication doesn't match, don't bother.  I want to assimilate you into my life. I want you to join me at the park with Henry. I can see you lying on the blanket with me. I'm even considering being pregnant again... I feel like a lot of my hard 'no's weren't even very hard to begin with. But if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. Life is too short. I guess I'm more agreeable. Would I wan...
Read more

The Next Day

Logan decided that he needs more time. He's not ready for a relationship. He's not ready for a relationship... with me. That line hurt. I reminded him so much of his ex. I think I reminded him of the conflict he experienced with his ex that he wasn't ready for. He's not sure how to manage conflict. How to show up when someone is hurt. How to respond when someone expresses their feelings. When it's going well, it's easy. It flows. But when conflict appears, so does the same behaviors. I express that I'm upset. He feels like he can't be himself. Then he runs. He can't handle it. It reminds him that something is going to end. So he'll end it first so he's not hurt. Because divorce is too fresh. He knows how far lost he was. He feels those same feelings with me (transference) because he has not resolved his old wounds. And here I am, as collateral. This ending doesn't hurt as much as Ryan. Partially because I think I knew that Logan wasn'...
Read more